The currently popular pastor David Platt has convicted me more than once about the cost of discipleship. How nothing, *nothing* is worth holding onto if the cost is our radical abandonment to Jesus Christ. What I did not fully understand was that in my own unique case I had to lose 'my religion' in order to gain Christ in the fullness of what it means to love and serve Him alone.
How could I say such a thing? I was raised in the Christian faith....how in the world can I say I had to lose 'my religion'? The simple answer is you'd have to be familiar with my religion, my unique 'flavor' of Christianity to begin to understand why I had to lose it for Christ. You see, I was your average, text book, typical legalist and I didn't know it. A Christian Pharisee. I thought I knew Jesus, but *my religion* was more a worship/reverence for items on the periphery of Christianity rather than for the Savior himself. Where religiosity became the bedrock of hope and security and as a result, the real object of my worship, though I would have vehemently denied such at the time.
If you would have ask me a couple years ago what my hope was in for my salvation I would have said Jesus died for me, yes...but I would have gone on a huge testimony about hope in my obedience in faith, repentance, baptism (emphasis on 'my obeying' rather than the power in our responses which have nothing to do with me but rather the power and truth...the Person behind it all, which is NOT me). I would have greatly emphasized my *response* to the Gospel rather than the actual Gospel itself. Also, great emphasis on the Bible. On the surface that sounds great...this is why my form of legalism was so insidious. Emphasizing the Word of God is good, but what I had was tantamount to 'Bibliolatry'...idolatry by Bible...worship of the Bible and knowing enough information over knowing the Savior Himself. Even enormous wasted energy on finding the perfect translation...I still have family/friends who will read nothing but KJV, not just by preference but actually teaching it is the only Bible one can read and find truth...Biblioatry. Yes, it is serious...and insidious.
In fact, my security was not in grace at all...but in 'standing for truth' which also sounds great until you analyze how that plays out and realize it's *self based*...how much *I* know...what issues I've wrestled with and come out 'right' on...how much Bible I know and how I can use it to prove my point on any number of subjects. I emphasized church worship over everything...even throwing out the biblical teaching that for the Christian all life is a sacrifice of worship. No, worship could only take place on Sunday for that hour...not anywhere else...forget Romans 12:1...we got around it by appealing to bad translation (*shudder*). Getting this 1 hour a week (or 2-3 in the South where Sun nites/Wed nites are mandatory to be considered a 'strong Christian') 'right' was the mark of being good with God. Making sure our *forms* were correct. The subject of our heart being right in worship strangely didn't come up very much if at all...but forms and methods sure did. What this tended to do for many teens was to set up such a contrast between what we do 'at church' and how we live our lives that many youth in our tribe lived your average sinful life at school, during the week...then good, righteous lives at church/church events...thinking they were okay because THEY HAD THE RIGHT ANSWERS...self centered empty religion. Statistically my tribe can expect that about half our youth will leave church all together as they grow up..and we scratch our heads and wonder WHY??? Because the foundation of faith was built on religiosity, not on Jesus. He strangely was in the background, not the center of 'my religion'. I would say it was all about Him...but the subjects of my conversations, the walk of my life, would sadly prove otherwise. A Pharisee and I didn't even know it.
If an objective observer were to say what my tribe's values were based on the subjects we talked about the most, taught on the most, and spent most of our energy hammering it was all based on 'church' and doing it 'right'. How we are so much better than every other denomination out there that just doesn't 'get it'. We patted ourselves on the backs while taking security from railing against others. Never mind our own glaring sins, we got church right...that was what mattered. Our failures were not as important because we got church right...so we got God's stamp of approval...everything else we could just 'work on'.
This was my religion. The one I grew up in. I was born during church conflict and raised w/even more conflict. This mindset breeds division, heartache and everything Jesus taught against. It was a graceless, hopeless, self-centered, idolatrous way of practicing Christianity...but it was my identity. I actually took pride in my knowledge base and being part of an American church heritage known for how much we KNOW. Strange that John said Christians should be known by how much they LOVE but that is sadly not my tribe's reputation...but rather just the opposite. Breaks my heart...in deep ways I cannot even express...even as a child I knew something was wrong, wrong, wrong.
It took a great deal to wake me up. I started to at age 19 and over the years the Lord showed me little by little how much I had to learn. The Spirit within me would recoil at things and nudge me but all too often I became an expert at quenching Him.
Finally when I became convicted that I had successfully boxed the Holy Spirit within me for years and quit fighting Him but rather surrendered to Him...was when I began the process of 'losing my religion'. Christ had to empty me of all things taking the place of Him...my very church identity. My heritage. Where I put so much hope and emphasis. I had to lose it all to gain Truth Himself. But I'm in good company. Paul was a Pharisee...and he expressed it best when he said:
"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." From Philipp. 3
And you know some of the precious brethren who helped me lose my empty religion??? Ones in the same tribe going through the same painful process. Even whole congregations growing to the point that they collectively have said "Enough is enough...we lose our religion to follow Christ". I actually have much much hope for the heritage I come from. I would say the *majority* are waking up and throwing it all off for Christ. Overall there is so much hope. When I think of brethren who have helped me along this journey I am humbled and so appreciative it goes beyond my ability to express with words. They help me and inspire me because they too are going through the fire and flame of growing pains.
My tribe is nearly non-existent in Washington...it is a heavily Southern tradition. This has been a blessing by forcing me even further from my pride in my own heritage. It is the first time I have ventured outside the tribe and what I find is beauty and depth I could have never dreamed of. Truly healthy, well-balanced congregations of God's people do exist. Churches who are not built on the false foundation of self-works but grace and Spirit-works. They are out there. No perfect churches, please don't misunderstand...but the atmosphere of love and grace amidst the sins we are all guilty of and the struggles we each face. Love and grace based...
So my journey has just begun really. I've lost my religion. I've gained Christ. I bask in His Grace alone. A Pharisee no longer...just his sinful child...his own clay pot...surrendered to Him.
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