Thursday, August 22, 2013

I Must Break You

 I used to be under the mistaken notion that for the Lord to work, He had to have a completely surrendered participant. Somehow the reality of dragging my own kids kicking and screaming into the doctor's office or to clean their room, never enlightened me to the fact that often he works his most powerfully while actually teaching us *how* to surrender, not as a result of it. Surrender, after all, is not merely a mental decision but rather a process of refining over time in any and all life's circumstances. Something that we grow into over a lifetime rather than merely say "Ok, I'm surrendered, that's it, decision made...check".

   In my own life it has seemed that he had to break me so that I might grow to a certain level...then he had to break me again to bring me to the next level...over.and.over.again. Painful, but absolutely necessary.  If we consider the short 3 year span of Christ's ministry it began with the 40 days of temptation and fasting. He had to experience hunger, pain, spiritual discipline so that it might be later said "He learned obedience by what he suffered". In a sense he had to be broken to begin the ministry that would end in his ultimate brokenness for our salvation...breaking to breaking for God's glory and our ultimate joy.

   This is why we identify most with Christ in our sufferings rather than in our pleasures. Very little if any is ever said of the pleasures Christ experienced on earth, much is said for his sufferings. After all, he is our 'suffering Savior'...'bruised and broken' for us.

   What a paradox. We must be broken, to identify with our broken Savior and ultimately to be used...in being used we become more broken...in being more broken we grow and are used yet the more...then must be broken again to stretch further still. God's invitation is not to ease and cruising through life with 'nary a care...it is an invitation to be broken...time and time again.

   I can only speak from my own personal experiences small and limited as they are but I can say this: in June 2012 if God had sat me down with a proposal for growth on that side of events...outlining the details we would have to walk through... including job loss in a sudden and horrible way, loss of relationships that were precious to us, loss of our home, ultimately loss of our Texas lives I would have told God "Thank you for the invite, but we decline, thank you very much. Thank you for thinking of us, by the way, but we're okay. Really." Yep,  we would have declined. Our family was happy and comfortable. The idea that change would happen so fast and so furious would have literally made me throw up. (well, it did in fact, but that's another story. lol) I'm glad God didn't ask me, but did his own thing dragging me kicking and screaming...like a child to a vaccine clinic.

     Yes, I thank God for not asking us if we wanted to be broken. He saw we needed it, He saw in the long term the glorious blessings and spiritual destination on the other side. Thank you for breaking us in spite of our unwilling spirits. I can truly say no year in our lives has been filled with more growth, more spiritual blessing as this year  has been. If I could be invited to this past year from *this side*, of course I would take it. In fact if someone offered me a BILLION dollars to NOT take it, I'd refuse them. In life however, we have to take those leaps of faith/trust from the unknown side, not the ending side. That is what brokenness and faith are all about.

    So what is your story of brokenness? We who believe and are being used and refined have one...or two...or many. Whatever your story is, use it for God's Glory. He invites us to suffer with him. His invitation is this: "I will break you, but it's going to be so worth it". The irony of ironies is the joy, rest and peace we arrive at during life's storms is out of our brokenness. Paradoxical but oh, so true. "I must break you" God says. Let us cry out in reply "Let your will be done and give me your strength to face it...yet I know, **I KNOW**, this will be for my ultimate joy and your glory...let it be done to me according to your divine will...let me be broken..."http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpbdK0q-FyY

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Losin' *my* Religion

   The currently popular pastor David Platt has convicted me more than once about the cost of discipleship. How nothing, *nothing* is worth holding onto if the cost is our radical abandonment to Jesus Christ. What I did not fully understand was that in my own unique case I had to lose 'my religion' in order to gain Christ in the fullness of what it means to love and serve Him alone.

   How could I say such a thing? I was raised in the Christian faith....how in the world can I say I had to lose 'my religion'? The simple answer is you'd have to be familiar with my religion, my unique 'flavor' of Christianity to begin to understand why I had to lose it for Christ. You see, I was your average, text book, typical legalist and I didn't know it. A Christian Pharisee. I thought I knew Jesus, but *my religion* was more a worship/reverence for items on the periphery of Christianity rather than for the Savior himself. Where religiosity became the bedrock of  hope and security and as a result, the real object of my worship, though I would have vehemently denied such at the time.

  If you would have ask me a couple years ago what my hope was in for my salvation I would have said Jesus died for me, yes...but I would have gone on a huge testimony about hope in my obedience in faith, repentance, baptism (emphasis on 'my obeying' rather than the power in our responses which have nothing to do with me but rather the power and truth...the Person behind it all, which is NOT me). I would have greatly emphasized my *response* to the Gospel rather than the actual Gospel itself.  Also, great emphasis on the Bible. On the surface that sounds great...this is why my form of legalism was so insidious. Emphasizing the Word of God is good, but what I had was tantamount to 'Bibliolatry'...idolatry by Bible...worship of the Bible and knowing enough information over knowing the Savior Himself. Even enormous wasted energy on finding the perfect translation...I still have family/friends who will read nothing but KJV, not just by preference but actually teaching it is the only Bible one can read and find truth...Biblioatry. Yes, it is serious...and insidious.

   In fact, my security was not in grace at all...but in 'standing for truth' which also sounds great until you analyze how that plays out and realize it's *self based*...how much *I* know...what issues I've wrestled with and come out 'right' on...how much Bible I know and how I can use it to prove my point on any number of subjects. I emphasized church worship over everything...even throwing out the biblical teaching that for the Christian all life is a sacrifice of worship. No, worship could only take place on Sunday for that hour...not anywhere else...forget Romans 12:1...we got around it by appealing to bad translation (*shudder*). Getting this 1 hour a week (or 2-3 in the South where Sun nites/Wed nites are mandatory to be considered a 'strong Christian') 'right' was the mark of being good with God. Making sure our *forms* were correct. The subject of our heart being right in worship strangely didn't come up very much if at all...but forms and methods sure did. What this tended to do for many teens was to set up such a contrast between what we do 'at church' and how we live our lives that many youth in our tribe lived your average sinful life at school, during the week...then good, righteous lives at church/church events...thinking they were okay because THEY HAD THE RIGHT ANSWERS...self centered empty religion. Statistically my tribe can expect that about half our youth will leave church all together as they grow up..and we scratch our heads and wonder WHY??? Because the foundation of faith was built on religiosity, not on Jesus. He strangely was in the background, not the center of 'my religion'. I would say it was all about Him...but the subjects of my conversations, the walk of my life, would sadly prove otherwise. A Pharisee and I didn't even know it.

 If an objective observer were to say what my tribe's values were based on the subjects we talked about the most, taught on the most, and spent most of our energy hammering it was all based on 'church' and doing it 'right'. How we are so much better than every other denomination out there that just doesn't 'get it'. We patted ourselves on the backs while taking security from railing against others.  Never mind our own glaring sins, we got church right...that was what mattered. Our failures were not as important because we got church right...so we got God's stamp of approval...everything else we could just 'work on'.

 This was my religion. The one I grew up in. I was born during church conflict and raised w/even more conflict. This mindset breeds division, heartache and everything Jesus taught against. It was a graceless, hopeless, self-centered, idolatrous way of practicing Christianity...but it was my identity. I actually took pride in my knowledge base and being part of an American church heritage known for how much we KNOW. Strange that John said Christians should be known by how much they LOVE but that is sadly not my tribe's reputation...but rather just the opposite. Breaks my heart...in deep ways I cannot even express...even as a child I knew something was wrong, wrong, wrong.

It took a great deal to wake me up. I started to at age 19 and over the years the Lord showed me little by little how much I had to learn.  The Spirit within me would recoil at things and nudge me but all too often I became an expert at quenching Him.

Finally when I became convicted that I had successfully boxed the Holy Spirit within me for years and quit fighting Him but rather surrendered to Him...was when I began the process of 'losing my religion'.  Christ had to empty me of all things taking the place of Him...my very church identity. My heritage. Where I put so much hope and emphasis. I had to lose it all to gain Truth Himself. But I'm in good company. Paul was a Pharisee...and he expressed it best when he said:

"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." From Philipp. 3

And you know some of the precious brethren who helped me lose my empty religion??? Ones in the same tribe going through the same painful process. Even whole congregations growing to the point that they collectively have said "Enough is enough...we lose our religion to follow Christ". I actually have much much hope for the heritage I come from. I would say the *majority* are waking up and throwing it all off for Christ. Overall there is so much hope. When I think of brethren who have helped me along this journey I am humbled and so appreciative it goes beyond my ability to express with words. They help me and inspire me because they too are going through the fire and flame of growing pains.

My tribe is nearly non-existent in Washington...it is a heavily Southern tradition. This has been a blessing by forcing me even further from my pride in my own heritage. It is the first time I have ventured outside the tribe and what I find is beauty and depth I could have never dreamed of. Truly healthy, well-balanced congregations of God's people do exist. Churches who are not built on the false foundation of self-works but grace and Spirit-works. They are out there. No perfect churches, please don't misunderstand...but the atmosphere of love and grace amidst the sins we are all guilty of and the struggles we each face. Love and grace based...

So my journey has just begun really. I've lost my religion. I've gained Christ. I bask in His Grace alone. A Pharisee no longer...just his sinful child...his own clay pot...surrendered to Him.

Monday, August 12, 2013

A Conversation with Jesus

"I'm tired, *worn* really..." I whisper w/a deep sigh.

Jesus says: "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

"I'm stressed out...frustrated...feel like I'm barely treading water!" I bellow at full volume.

Jesus says: "Cast all your cares on me, for I care for you".

"I feel fearful, riddled w/anxiety...sleep fails me...the what-if's just keep coming like a flood". I cry out while biting my nails incessantly.

Jesus says "Do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself".

"But I feel weak..." I argue.

Jesus says "You can do all things through Me. I will give you *my* strength".

"But I have family and friends who have so many trials to endure...there's cancer, there's loss, there's divorce, there's job problems, money problems..."

Jesus says "In this life you *will* have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world".

"But things are so confusing...how do I know which way to turn, what to believe, where to go, what to do?? There's so much chaos and confusion out there."

Jesus says "*I am* the way, the truth and the life".

"But someday...any day really, I'm gonna DIE...I mean...DEAD, buried, gone".

Jesus says "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die. In fact, I go to prepare a place just for you".

"Jesus, I'm running out of things to complain about."

Jesus says "Ummm....that's kind of the point".

:-)


Tuesday, August 6, 2013

I Never Knew You

  The scene is set. It's a judgment scene. Honestly, it's a scene that has often sent chills down my spine. It's Jesus saying "I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!" Evidently this group had an interesting appeal to make to Jesus. It was not a 'have-mercy-on-me-a-sinner' appeal. It was an appeal to their own righteousness...their own good works, their own good deeds evidently even practicing in His name. These folks did not know Jesus. They in fact *never* knew Him. The name they evoked was only a label with no meaning for them. In their minds, it was all about them, not about Him. They felt entitled, as if the Creator of the Universe owned them something. 

 Now a contrast is set up..."Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus be cursed,” and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit." (I Corin. 12:3) There is using the name of Jesus as simply a label and then there is the heart felt declaration of the person of Christ as LORD. Focus on HIM, not on self. No appeal to self, works, obedience, no appeal to anything having to do with us. An appeal to who HE is. No one can make this appeal without the Spirit enabling such a confession of faith.


When Jesus 'hit them between the eyes' with his declaration he was summing up his point about knowing others by their fruit. They appealed to what they produced on their own in his name. Scripture paints a stark constrast to their superficial reasoning. *We* do not produce fruit. It is the Fruit of the *Spirit*. *He* produces the fruit within us. We merely surrender as the tools He uses. The action is on His part, not our own. That is why we cannot boast. We have no appeal other than the finished work of Christ and His Sufficiency alone.

I am also reminded of the words of Paul when he said "I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,  and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." The summary is this: IT IS NOT ABOUT US. It is all about Him...knowing Him...dying with Him...living in Him.

So when my turn comes to stand before the Judge what will my appeal be? It will be the same appeal I make in life...that I will make in death...that I will make for eternity. "Have mercy on me a sinner, apart from you I am nothing...but I *know* you, Oh, Lord...I know the Christ...I rest in YOU alone..."

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Naked and Unashamed

  It's the picture of innocence...of an intimacy so close to our Creator that Adam and Eve could literally enjoy an evening stroll beside God Himself...naked and unashamed. No imperfection to mar the picture, no sin to stain the image...no familiar brokenness to destroy the harmony of the Divine with the creation.
    Then a new image emerges...the expulsion from God's Garden...life falling into the chasm of death. Only a few pages later we see a man named Moses hiding in a rock in order to just catch a glimpse of God's back...knowing a face to face encounter would kill him. The intimate walk gone. Innocence traded for fig leaves. Clothed in shame.
    Not so long ago I stood before the Lord...covered in filthy rags. Pathetic. Repulsive. An ensemble of self-reliance, arrogance, and hope put in all the wrong places. Faith on a crumbling foundation of my own sufficient obedience. Security in being 'right'. He stripped me bare.
    I fell on my face before Him, empty hands raised above...in helpless shame and vulnerability. He rose from the throne of Heaven itself and reached down to raise me up. Enveloped by the King. Robed in His Righteousness alone. Intimacy restored. Death swallowed up by life.
   It is in the very imagery of baptism itself. Immersed in Christ Himself. Taking on his likeness, sharing in His Divine Nature...putting on the Royal Apparel of the King of Kings. He makes us His Bride, His cherished possession. We are his.
  For those of us who enjoy the blessing of a covenant marriage on this earth...do you remember when you first experienced intimacy w/your beloved? Naked and unashamed? The wonder of a closeness that in God's Design is meant to be shared with only 1 person for a lifetime? Remember that? It is the only relationship God compares to the intimacy He designs for his chosen ones, His elect, His Beloved. The wonder we feel in our earthly intimate relationship is the greatest joy we experience on earth, yet it sadly pales in the brilliancy of the intimacy we have offered to us in Christ.
  I bask in the wonder, the joy, the mystery...of being naked and unashamed.