We all have these pivotal moments in life we look back on as *the moment* something changed. Incredible is the fact that while the moment is transpiring it is an ordinary moment...there is no immediate realization that *this precise moment* is going to change my life. Only in retrospect does the moment become something extraordinary, something sacred from other moments in life.
Such was a moment in my life when I was 15 years old, out rakin' leaves during what must have been Christmas Break. I can still feel the crispness of the air with that slight Texas Fall chill. The smell of the burning leaves is still so familiar that anytime I smell burning leaves I feel an overwhelming sense of goodness and joy. I even took my 'jam box' outside and put in a cassette tape my dear cousin had given me of Acapella Praise and I would rake, sing, think. Rake, sing, think.... for 3 days straight (we had a big yard). Surprising is that the tape didn't warp after so much use. :-) Nothing like it!
At this time in my life, I had just finished reading the New Testament all by myself for the first time and it had not been at all what I expected. I had heard many sermons and I had read entire books of the Bible at a time with my mother but never had I picked up the Word and just read it for myself until that time. I had this most extraordinary 'brainstorm' while rakin' and singin'. I wanted to try and take what I had learned from scripture and create a 'Fantasy Church' that would be based entirely on the ancient scripture but relevant to the modern world in which I lived. The first time I can remember I purposed to think outside my usual box. It was glorious.
To understand why this was so significant to me personally you have to know what I was used to in terms of church. A very tiny church...maybe 20-30 of sweet, kind, salt of the earth folks...yet we did nothing beyond Sunday service. We even called it the "5 acts of worship"...singing, praying, giving, preaching, communion. Period. That was it. The rare times we had potlucks I felt euphoric....time to visit and bond with people! Admittedly it was rare. We just weren't that kind of church. The fact I thought a potluck was 'relationship intimacy' is telling isn't it? Wow. I was starving! Literally starving for real church. Real intimacy and *being the body*.
So as I read Acts the first time you can imagine how it touched my heart...deeply. Enough to move me to tears. I cried as I read how the early church *lived* together. The breaking of bread, the fellowship, the teaching, prayers, and time together. I read about being the 'body of Christ'...members like body parts...taking care of one another, each essential to the other. How moved I was to read we are 'living stones' building up to be the living *house of God*. I was overwhelmed at 15 with HOW MUCH MORE Church could and should be. It went so beyond distinctives of a denomination, so beyond even theology and 'issues'...even important ones. It came down to being a living, organic, messy body. A *body* and all that means and entails. So much more that I ever imagined! The scripture was pointing me to SO MUCH MORE!
I wanted that Church. Deeply so. I was raised to believe a huge goal is the 'Restoration of the 1st Century Church'. I realize how the real goal is far beyond that...we are not supposed to restore an imperfect 1st century church...we are to become like Jesus. I found however that even with the mindset of wanting to restore the 1st century church, we were light-years away. We had defined Restoration in terms of issues...the New Testament Church was defined in terms of *relationships*. We were speaking two different languages. The picture the Bible painted is of the *people*. That is what my soul longed for and what I needed so desperately...at a tender, formidable age I realized I couldn't be what Jesus called me to be without this kind of help and support. This living household made up of living stones. I needed that. I just couldn't be what Jesus wanted me to be without HER...his bride and all He designed her to be.
When the leaves were all raked and burned and the yard complete, I was so bummed. I wanted more leaves to rake. I never wanted those golden days to be over. The one thing I was left with however was this idea "Whatever it takes, I want to be part of this kind of body. A vibrant one. The one I read about in scripture". It would be 4 years before that journey would really begin but the seed was planted there. My own personal Awakening while rakin' the leaves and singin' until I lost my voice. "He Bore it All" was the song that I remember most from the tape. Before or since, I have never had Fall days like those three. Something you cannot re-create. My own personal Great Awakening as to how much I needed what the Bible describes as *church*...and all she was meant and able to be.
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